I feel great right now. I will list the things Ive done to make myself feel great.
1. Cavity filled at the dentist.
2. cleaned my room like a crazy person.
3. Cleaned out my closet
4. Fixed my dyer and cleaned out behind my major appliances
5. hugged my dog
6. exercised
7. took a long shower
8. made juice
things that will continue making me feel awesome
1. teach private students
2. watch les mis with my partner
3. eat steak n shake :)
Namaste!
Oh, yea, I have a blog. I think writing will help me in my journey to finding balance. I am currently trying to save impossible amounts of money to be able to have a wedding. Today I sold my old wedding ring for $800. Not even close to what was paid for it but I suppose it wouldn’t give me that part of my life back anyway. Regardless, I feel weird about it. I can’t even begin to explore why I feel weird about it. I just do.
I also have been teaching 65 hour weeks or more in order to save money so my entire body, mind, and even soul are exhausted. It is, however, becoming easier each week. I do enjoy teaching its just exhausting sometimes.
I meditate daily. I believe that my meditations have opened up doors to some repressed hurt that I have been dealing with in my dreams.
I have fresh juice every morning. Today I had kale, kiwi, and strawberry and I have never felt so cleansed. I ruined it by eating pizza at a band fundraiser so I came home, walked Molly dog, worked out, and showered.
So now to writing. I really want to get in even deeper touch with myself. I feel so much progress over the past 5 years its almost ridiculous. I want to rid my life of uber amounts of clutter and do free and inspiring things over spring break. Maybe even some time with nature.
I will do my best not to neglect this part of myself. until then- peace.
A year ago today my ex broke up with me out of nowhere on our valentines day.
I am a much more complete person now because of it! Thanks Zach!
I have been extremely…exhausted…out of sorts…not myself…not energetic…blah…blah…ugh….meh.
I thought maybe returning to writing will help.
I am currently learning the real art of letting go. Occasionally when I think of things from my past I get this huge urge of “how could you?” “why would you?” and all I do is stir up pain. I don’t have to accept these people or their actions into my life but I do have to let them go.
I also know with the depths of my heart that I need more time to treasure myself. I want that time so badly, but my obligations are out of control. I understand the act of saying no, but my paycheck depends on it. I don’t really know how to go about this anymore.
In general, I am happy. I have a home, great animals, a wonderful partner, a good job, grateful students…I just never feel like I get enough accomplished. there’s always things that need to be done. I can’t seem to get it all done and rest my mind.
I tried to do things tonight that help me feel more accomplished. I worked out. I paid bills. I took a hot bath and meditated. I am going to finish this blog and then clean out my car. I have already decided to stay late on a friday to organize and copy solo and ensemble music tomorrow. I just hope I can get out of my funk. Its so interesting how funk is such cool music but such an awful state of mind.
Peace.
I’m getting ready to do a meditation before going to the grocery. Today I have a headache, feel generally blecky, and am unmotivated. I need to relax, get centered, then be productive.
I decided in the spring to plant some flowers in a flower bed outside my garage. They did well considering I only remembered to water them about once a week. They bloomed and were pretty and then would get thirsty and I’d water them and then they’d bloom and the cycle continued until I left for Europe this summer.
While I was gone, a huge drought began. In fact, it’s ongoing. When I got back all of my lawn was brown. Everything was dying. The only green things I had were the weeds in my yard. The once beautiful flowers in my flower bed were shriveled and dead. completely brown.
I decided one day a week or so later to water them. Some time passed and we had a short rain. Today I went to look at them and they are blooming. They actually are surviving and not just surviving are beautiful again.
I find this amazing. I feel like this is a lovely metaphor for my life. For so long, I would get a bit of water and try to hold on and survive. Now, I’m gaining the tools to not only survive but be beautiful again.
Every day I am exercising my voice (literally), my mind, my body, and my spirit. It is making a huge difference on who I am and where I am going. I am spending time getting to know my true self and loving who I am discovering. I’m working on taking care of myself so I am available to take care of others. Loving myself so I am available to love others.
Wednesday school begins and I like my career because every year I get a fresh beginning and every year I am stronger. I plan to bloom even in the adversity I have faced. I don’t know that I am completely healed from a lot of things that have happened in the past few years, but I know that I am healing and who I am now is much stronger and where I continue to go will continue to make me stronger. I’m in love.
Right now, its incredibly important that I take care of myself. That I stand up for myself, and that I cherish the woman that I am.
